


Whom his heart belongs

by Rona23



Series: Merlin´s  magic [44]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur Finds Out About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Boys In Love, Dorks in Love, Engagement, Everyone Is Gay, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Good Morgana (Merlin), Idiots in Love, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Magic Revealed, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), No Drama, POV Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Past Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Past Relationship(s), Rejection, Romantic Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, True Love, Trust, engagement kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:08:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28325853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rona23/pseuds/Rona23
Summary: “I can't be with you, Arthur.”It wasn't the first time Arthur had heard those words. They were familiar in the same way that funerals were.Aka: the one in which Gwen rejects Arthur's proposal, because she knows there is someone else Arthur loves. (Also she loves Morgana, but that's beside the point lmao).He needs a while to realize whom she is talking about
Relationships: Gwen & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gwen & Merlin (Merlin), Gwen/Morgana (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Merlin´s  magic [44]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1588378
Comments: 22
Kudos: 302
Collections: Merthur Fics





	Whom his heart belongs

**Author's Note:**

> I made this very gay again. Lmao.

“I can't be with you, Arthur.”  
It wasn't the first time Arthur had heard those words. They were familiar in the same way that funerals were. 

The first time, Arthur had heard those words, he had been a mere child and had a crush on the cooks daughter. 'Child', Arthur corrected himself in his mind. They had changed pronouns a couple of weeks ago. 'They, they, they', he repeated three times in his mind, then he took a deep breath and continued his thoughts. 

He was currently laying on top of his bed, eating some nuts that Merlin had brought him earlier, as he tried to process the conversation he just had with Gwen.   
She had rejected him. Arthur turned the ring he had wanted to give her in his hands.   
He had been sure she was the right one. The right choice.   
She was compassionate, she was smart, she was beautiful. She knew the people. She was the best advisor he'd ever had. He trusted her.   
And yet, …

Andromeda had been the cooks child then. It was Andi now. Actually, it had been then too. Their nickname that is. Only their parents ever called them Andromeda. And only when they were mad at them. It really wasn't that much of a change. It was just pronouns after all.   
Maybe the recent change was what brought back the memories of them.   
“I can't be with you. You're the prince of Camelot. I'm the cook's daughter.”, they had said back then. 

Arthur remembers the heartbreak. And how it hadn't lasted too long. They had just repeated what his father had always told him.  
Never fall in love with anything below your status. Yeah right.... Arthur was king now. EVERYONE was below his own status. Even the richest governor was below his own status. He was privy to the upmost power. Who else would ever equal his own?  
He sighed as he shoved another handful of nuts into his mouth. Then he grimaced. After two hours of eating nothing else, they didn't really taste as good anymore. 

Andi had been the first of many.   
He's had a crush on a stable girl once. She too had rejected him.   
All the non noble people he ever had a crush on explained their rejection with their status.   
Arthur understood, but it broke his heart non the less.   
Maybe, he was a romantic after all. Maybe he dreamed of running away with someone one day. Escape his destiny, his responsibilities.   
Of course he'd take Merlin with him. Arthur would running away from work, he wouldn't replace it with something else. 

Arthur stared at the ceiling.   
He also remembered the first royal he ever had a crush on. Her name had been Lady Marinette. (1)  
She had dark black hair and startling blue eyes. She had been in love with a royal knight, if he remembered correctly. They were married now. What was his name? Aren? Aderian? Adrien? Who knows. Arthur had moved on before he got too invested in her life. 

Then there had been Lady Sofia. Arthur didn't know what happened to that one.   
Sir Bredeviere, too. The man had rejected Arthur very kindly. And never lost a word over their secret night together to anyone. (They had mostly just drunken wine and Arthur had confessed to liking men. Which ended in them both kissing. Sir Bredeviere only to test it out. But he wasn't in to it and told Arthur as much before Arthur got his hopes up. So, it went well, considering all the fuss Arthur's father would have made about it.)

Lady Vivienne was probably the worst disaster of it all, because he had been under a love spell then. So Arthur wasn't sure it counted.   
However, they all had something in common. At one point each of them would have said the same thing.   
“I can't be with you, Arthur.” 

And Gwen's rejection had hurt the most. Arthur had wanted to MARRY her, for god's sake. He had been so sure.   
“I'm sorry, Arthur. But I cannot marry you, when your heart doesn't belong to me.”

'Of course I love you!', Arthur had thought. After all, it had been Gwen who broke the love spell that made him fall for Vivienne. It had been a true love's kiss! Of course he loved her!  
But Gwen had shook her head.   
“That's not what I mean. I love you too, Arthur. But – I don't have your heart. And I already gave mine to someone else.”

'I understand, if you love someone else. But – you can't make a decision about my heart!', he had said. 'And people don't belong to each other. That's not how it works. You can't give a person so much power over yourself. That's -'  
“It's scary, isn't it?”, Gwen had smiled at him. “I have never met a man who is more reserved than you are. Who is so scared to state his own opinion and reverts to everything he's been told by his father. The tiniest bit of self doubt and you hide immediately.   
And yet -  
You've given your heart away. And the thing is – you don't even know it. Because the person holds you so dear and protects your heart with all his might, that you never had to fear anything.   
You've given it to the right person, Arthur. You trust him blindly.”

Arthur had stared at her for a full minute. Unable to respond.   
'I'm asking you to marry me, Gwen. Because I love you. I gave away half the kingdom for you.  
I want to spend the rest of my life with you!'  
And only you, he had wanted to add. But the words got stuck in his throat. 

Gwen had shook her head.   
“You have given half your kingdom for me, that is true.”, she had looked at the ground in shame, almost.   
“But you never wanted the kingdom to begin with. You don't want the responsibility. You want to run away. You told me as much. If you could, you would take this person with you and give up the entire kingdom. Not just half of it.   
But his hopes in you are so strong that you stay. You're here for him. You're leading the kingdom for him. You are the greatest king Camelot has ever had, for him. Not anyone else, but because of him.”  
She had smiled and then she laughed. 

“Here you are, asking me to spend the rest of my life with you. But him?  
You never had to ask.”

'Who are we even talking about?', Arthur had finally given in to his instincts. Because what the hell? Gwen had done her best to stay neutral at first. But it was clear now that she had a specific person in mind. 

He tried to think of someone. Someone he would give his kingdom up for? Someone he was leading the kingdom for? Someone he trusted blindly?   
Since it was clearly a man she was referring to, was it any of the knights? He trusted them all! He would give his own life for each of them.   
He couldn't imagine running away with one of them though. They were his knights and loyal to Camelot. He would never take them away from their duty.

Gwen had sighed, before putting a hand on his shoulder and kissing him on the cheek.  
Arthur let her. Even though he knew, letting her do as much meant he accepted her rejection. What else should he do, anyway?  
He couldn't force her into a life long relationship. 

“Just open your eyes.”, Gwen said and then she ordered him out the door, because Arthur had waited in her house.   
Of course he had to blow the candles out first. Whose idea was it to decorate the entire house with candles again? Right... Merlin.   
Arthur would kill him for it. It was supposed to be romantic. Now it felt just awkward to put out the candles like that. Not to mention he constantly feared his own cape to catch fire. 

“Are you still moping?”  
Arthur opened his eyes. And looked right back into dark blue ones. They may be blue, but they were also gray. And the dark gray made them look almost black in the dimmed room. Only small golden specks reflected light.   
The light came from the small fire that still burned in the chimney. Maybe that's why Merlin what had come here for in the first place. 

Arthur noticed how the fire was brighter than before. So maybe Merlin had brought fire wood. 

“I'm not moping, Merlin.”

“Your entire bed is full of nuts, Sire. And you've been here all day. I take it, Gwen wasn't too happy with your proposal?”

Arthur groaned and rolled on to his belly to bury his head in his pillow. 

“What was it? The candles? Were there too many? Or not enough! I knew we should have put up more candles. But NO! A certain royal prat thought we would burn the house down!”  
Arthur chuckled at that. He couldn't help it. Merlin's humor never failed to make him laugh. 

“It was NOT the candles, Merlin.”

“Okay.”, Merlin said. There was a beat of silence, before Merlin added. “Well then. What did you do?”

Arthur turned around in disbelieve at his servant. “I didn't do anything. Gwen is under the impression that she's not the right choice for me.”

Merlin scoffed. “Yeah right. She is literally the best thing that ever happened to you. I'll talk to her. She's just self conscious. I'll get her to -”  
It was weirdly comforting to hear Merlin talk to him like this. He got it wrong, as always, obviously. But this mindless chatter still cheered Arthur up.   
Especially since he knew how good friends Merlin and Gwen were. His dates with Gwen were always at their best when Merlin was with them. Gwen had agreed to him at this before, so Arthur never failed to order Merlin around to prepare the dates in the first place. 

“She's also in love with someone else.”  
This made Merlin stop and turn to Arthur. He opened his mouth. Then failed to say something and then he sat down on the bed, his chin in his hand like he was contemplating something.   
Arthur could only roll his eyes at the sight.   
Merlin was a servant for god's sake. He wasn't supposed to sit on the king's bed. 

Then again, he was also not supposed to give Arthur advise or cheer him up, when he felt down.   
Or ask him questions about his personal life.   
Sometimes Arthur thought, Merlin was really the only reason why he even survived the council meetings. They were either boring or so stressful with all the responsibilities of war that Arthur could hardly breathe. Unless he saw Merlin nodding at him approvingly. 

“Morgana?”, Merlin asked.  
Arthur blinked, before he understood the question. “I suppose.”, he sighed. 

“That must suck. I mean, Morgana is quite beautiful. But being outdone by your own sister.”, Merlin shook his head in mock sympathy.   
Arthur growled before he took the pillow and threw it at Merlin's head.   
Of course, even at such a short distance, Arthur managed to miss. Or Merlin had just gotten really good at ducking, as the pillow fell to the ground with a dump sound. 

Merlin just laughed widely. He was basically laying next to Arthur on the bed now.   
“Are you going to lay here all day, or will you let me clean this mess up.”, he pointed at the crumbs.   
Arthur rolled his eyes. “Seriously Merlin. I was rejected by the one woman I could ever imagine to spend the rest of my life with. Let me mope.”

“So you ARE moping!”, Merlin grinned his lopsided grin in victory. It was a very stupid smile It was also contagious and very nice to look at. And in his typical insolent way, Merlin rolled around on the bed and stood up. Then he his grin widened.   
“Don't worry, Sire. If that cheers you up, you'll always have me.”  
And then he shoved him off the bed. How Merlin found the strength to push a full grown knight from a bed was beyond Arthur. He fell to the ground with a yelp. 

Merlin laughed, hard. And the he began to clean the crumbs from the bed sheets.   
But when Arthur pulled himself up to counter Merlin's comment, the air stuck in his throat as he stared at Merlin. 

'Here you are, asking me to spend the rest of my life with you. But him?  
You never had to ask.' Does that mean, she meant -

“Merlin?!”, Arthur breathed out. A part of him with shock, another with entire disbelieve. Yet another, with realization. 

“Yes, Sire?”, Merlin met his confused gaze with amusement. Then with worry, as though he could read every shift in Arthur's mood like a book. Maybe he could. “Are you alright?”

“Do you mean that?”  
“Mean what?”, Merlin asked, frowning in confusion.   
“That you'll always be there for me.”  
Merlin let the sheets fall down, as something small and golden clinked against the floor. Merlin blinked a couple of times, before bending down to pick it up. 

Maybe Merlin would have made another joke, but Arthur must sound serious enough that he answered in the same manner.   
“I've told you before. I'll be at your side until the day I die.”, Merlin said and stood up again. “Is this Gwen's ring?”

Arthur nodded, before walking around the giant bed to stand before Merlin now. Merlin had very lean fingers.   
“You know -”, Merlin laughed a little. “Gwen's and my hands are actually the same size. Did you know that? Okay, maybe my fingers are longer, but they are the same width. We made each other flower rings, when I just came to Camelot. Just for fun. We made them based on our own sized, as a surprise. That's how we figured it out. It was funny at the time. Here, look.”  
Arthur stopped breathing, when Merlin slipped the golden ring on to his left ring finger. 

Arthur stared at the lean fingers. Merlin was right, it fit him perfectly. 

Merlin looked up at Arthur, only now realizing his mortified expression. “Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to -”, Merlin hurried and slid the ring back off. He put it back in Arthur's hand.  
Almost automatically, Arthur opened his hand for the ring.   
And wasn't that just the perfect metaphor? How much Arthur trusted him that he accepted just anything what Merlin handed to him?

“Why don't you keep it?”, Arthur asked, without thinking.   
Merlin stared at Arthur, as the man put the ring back into his hand. “What?”, Merlin backed away a little.   
“You just told me, you'll spend the rest of my life at my side. That's the kind of promise the ring stands for, isn't it?” Arthur couldn't believe what he heard himself say.   
Merlin gaped at him. 

'It was just a joke.', Arthur tried to tell himself. After all, the promise was to love someone until the end of one's days. Not just spend every waking day with each other. In sick and health and all that jazz. (2)  
'Aren't royal weddings often for convenience and not love?' Arthur hated his own brain.  
The awkward silence stretched between them, as Arthur blinked and panic began to settle within him. 

“I'm just joking. You can sell it or melt it or something. I don't need it anymore.”

“What if Gwen changes her mind?”, Merlin asked awkwardly and stared at the ring.   
“I doubt she will.”, Arthur said and turned around. But he didn't miss the way that Merlin stared at the ring, like he couldn't believe what Arthur had just implied and then immediately denied. 

“But what if she does?”  
“I'm not going to wait for her, Merlin.”  
“You've already moved on?”, Merlin asked. “You were so sure just yesterday!”

Arthur wanted to give him a real answer, he really did. But he wasn't sure anymore. And wasn't that the worst part?  
How easy it was for Arthur to become uncertain? Just because of one thing that Gwen had implied?  
“I have a lot to think about.”

“Like?”, Merlin asked. 

“I don't know. Laws?”, Arthur let himself fall back on the bed. Merlin frowned at that. If he did because of Arthur's words or the fact that the bed wasn't made yet, who knew.   
But Arthur hadn't known what else to say. And laws were always things to trouble his mind about. It was the first thing that had popped into his mind.

“Which laws?”

Arthur closed his eyes and sighed. He had just reformed the laws regarding marriage and status and such things. There was only one law he felt uncertain about.   
“The ban on magic.”

No answer. Arthur waited – and waited. But Merlin said nothing. As Arthur opened his eyes, he could hear a particular loud crack coming from the fire place. The pile of wood had fallen in to itself, but Merlin paid it no mind. So Arthur stood up by himself again to put more wood into the pile. The hot air hit Arthur in the face, making him realize how cold he actually felt. So he grabbed a chair and after contemplating for a second, he grabbed a second one and placed them both in front of the fire. 

Then he sat down and pat on the cushions of the other one. Almost mechanically, Merlin followed to sit down. He was still staring at the ring in his hand. Twirling it between his fingers, his head deep in thought. 

“What are you going to do about it?”, finally Merlin looked up.   
Arthur met his gaze and sighed. Talking about magic with Merlin was probably the one conversation he always dreaded. But it was better than discussing what giving the engagement ring meant for Gwen to Merlin implied. 

“What would YOU do?”, Arthur said. And yet again, it became quiet. Somehow, Arthur had the feeling that was the wrong question to ask.   
Because Merlin just stared at him, then looked down. A troubled expression on his face.   
And okay... that was interesting. Arthur blinked.   
He had long wondered what Merlin truly thought of magic. Sure, Merlin's best friend had been a sorcerer, back when he lived in Ealdor.   
But he also always warned him of the danger that magic held. Arthur hated to admit it, but if he would listen to Merlin more, many magical incidents could have been prevented. 

Magic was a threat to Camelot, surely. But it had also helped Arthur on occasion.   
Still, Arthur was under the impression that Merlin had his mind made up about magic. That he knew what was the right decision to make. Even if it was a difficult one.   
Because Merlin was a lot wiser than any servant ought to be. 

Merlin didn't answer. If he didn't know the answer or just didn't find the words, Arthur didn't know. 

“It's okay. You don't have to answer. But -”, Arthur stared into the fire now.   
“All my life I've been told that sorcery is evil. But I've been saved by magic more often than I ever told my father. By druids, by Balinor's magic. By -”, Arthur took a deep breath.   
“Someone defeated Cornelius Sigan behind our backs. I can't believe he just disappeared. Someone must have defeated him. And that someone must have overpowered him. Sigan was supposed to be the most powerful warlock of all times.   
Whoever defeated them... never attacked Camelot.   
They saved it. 

Someone defeated the Griffin and I don't believe that Lancelot did it without magical intervention. I fought the beast and it knocked me out. I couldn't even pierce it with my sword.   
Gaius said only magic could defeat a magical beast. But EVERY magical beast I encountered was defeated. And I -”, Arthur paused again.   
“I took the glory for it, but I can't even remember what happened each time. 

I hate to admit it, but I don't think I defeated half the monsters that my father gave me the credit for. And the Dragon that you told me I defeated?”, Arthur shook his head and closed his eyes. He laughed a little. “Only a Dragon lord can defeat a Dragon. That's what they got their name from.   
There wasn't even corpse, Merlin. You told me I defeated it, but honestly I don't think I – Merlin?”

Arthur had turned around to find his servant shaking in his seat.   
Merlin had his knees bend under his chin and he hugged himself so tight that Arthur wondered how he hadn't noticed earlier.   
'Is he crying?', Arthur noticed. He froze in his seat, slowly reaching out to Merlin, but immediately stopping himself.   
Merlin may be affectionate, but he wasn't when he was this emotional. 

And Arthur had NEVER seen Merlin as emotional as this.   
Merlin flinched as he noticed Arthur reacting to him. 

What the hell just happened? All morning Arthur had been moping about Gwen and now he sat here, vulnerable and insecure about the greatest achievements he's ever had in his life and now his servant was crying?

“Merlin, are you this scared of magic? I promise, when I lift the ban, I will put regulations on it so that people can't use it for murder and the likes.   
I swear I'll make sure, you'll never -”  
Arthur stopped as Merlin's head snapped around. His eyes were wide, as though Arthur had just admitted to be a farmer in disguise or something. 

“You're lifting the ban?”, Merlin asked. Arthur's heart constricted. Of course Merlin would be scared.   
The one thing Arthur had been terrified of was to disappoint Merlin. But there was no disappointment there. 'Seriously, Arthur?', Arthur's mind commented.   
'You were scared of disappointing Merlin with the law? Not Gwen? Who is more important to you, huh? Gwen or Merlin? Are you stupid?'

Arthur stared at Merlin, deep into his eyes. And for a moment he could imagine seeing Merlin's soul, how deeply hidden it was inside his mind. He felt like he had just found a secret door that had never been open to him before.   
And he felt like the door could be easily closed on him, if he said the wrong thing now. 

If he thought about it – if Arthur were to run away from Camelot, he would definitely have asked Gwen to come with him.   
But he would order Merlin to do the same. Because he could imagine Gwen saying no.   
But he couldn't imagine living without Merlin. And Merlin would complain and tell him about his destiny as king until Arthur would give in and take the title back. And the responsibilities and the like. And because Arthur cared about Merlin's opinion, he would listen to him. And do just that.  
Yes. He WAS stupid. Suddenly Arthur felt more vulnerable then ever. Scared even.   
Gwen was right. He had given his heart away. To Merlin.   
And Merlin had been protecting it so fiercely that he never even noticed it was missing. Because nothing had ever managed to harm it.   
But he could feel Merlin's tears dropping on to it. That in itself was worse than any answer Arthur had ever received for saying “I love you”. 

“I already have.”  
Merlin stopped breathing.   
Arthur bit his lip at the reaction. “We still have to work out the details and such, but er- technically – the ban has been lifted two weeks ago.   
I suppose it will take a while for the news to reach everyone. The messengers were send out yesterday and I still have to write the official speech for tomorrow, but er-  
It wasn't easy to convince the court, so we did that in secret and -

Merlin, breathe!”, Arthur interrupted himself yet again, as he realized that Merlin's face was changing color. And blue was not a healthy color.   
As if on cue, Merlin started breathing again. It picked up in speed so fast, that you could have thought he just ran a marathon. 

This time, Arthur reached out for Merlin and grabbed him by the shoulder. 

It was like he had pressed a button or something, because all of a sudden Merlin was in his lap and doing the one thing Arthur had never dared to imagine him do.   
Suddenly Arthur was being kissed and pushed back into the chair he was sitting on. So hard in fact, that they toppled over and Arthur was basically pinned to the ground by both Merlin and the chair.   
And no, he could not get back up like this. 

That thought however was soon drowned out as Merlin lightly bit Arthur's lip. Effectively making him open his mouth and soon there was a tongue in his mouth.   
It was unlike any kiss Arthur had ever shared with anyone. Neither better nor worse, just different.

Kisses with Gwen had been light and chaste. The kiss between him and Bredeviere had been sloppy and tasted like wine.   
Kissing Andi that one time hardly ever counted, because it barely lasted a second. Also they had been seven, what can you expect. (3)

Merlin's kiss was stronger. It was fierce and decided on and yet completely out of control. It felt like Merlin was pushing all of his inner emotions into this kiss, because he couldn't find the words. He couldn't express himself in any other way.   
Arthur got lost in it. For one moment, his brain shut off completely. But when Merlin's calmed down, and he stopped shuddering in favor of angling himself better, Arthur realized what was happening.   
He could taste salt and that didn't come from the salty food he had eaten earlier. It tasted like tears and he could hear Merlin almost sobbing in to the kiss. 

Never in a million years had Arthur expected to find himself in a situation like this. He felt the wood of the backrest edge into his spine. When Arthur halted, Merlin seemed to regain his senses as well.   
He leaned back from Arthur, staring down at him in horror at what he had just done. 

A cool wind passed by them, making them both shudder.   
“I – Arthur I'm -”, Merlin stuttered and lifted himself back up. “You – Gwen, I'm sorry. I just -”  
His mind was completely scattered. 

Arthur didn't even tray to stand up. He had been too caught of guard to be able to make up his mind if he should be completely shocked and mad, or if he should start worrying about the fact that just looking at Merlin made him want to 'try that again'. 

“I take it, you're not mad about the change in the laws?”  
And honestly, wasn't that the biggest surprise? Until a few minutes ago (was it minutes?), Arthur had been convinced that he had to ease Merlin into the law change.   
That he had to work himself up to get Merlin to approve. And here they were. The response was … pretty clear actually. 

Merlin opened his mind again and then shook his head at himself. He reached out his hand, so Arthur could grab it and stand up as well. They stood there, in front of each other, neither of them letting go of the other's hand.   
“Are you going to answer? Or will you jump me again?”

Arthur almost winced at his own words. Merlin opened his mouth once more, but his eyes scanned Arthur up and down, as if he had yet to decide if the second option wasn't the better one.   
Arthur froze at the gaze. But Merlin didn't seem to be able to find the right words.   
So he just looked at Arthur, like a quiet fish who tried to tell you something through foggy glass. 

“Because you took that -”, Arthur paused. He was trying to bring some humor back into the situation. But he felt like he was failing spectacularly. “- surprisingly well.”

Merlin met his gaze again. But he still couldn't speak. So he let go of Arthur's arm and pointed it at the fire place instead.   
For a second Arthur frowned, confused what Merlin was pointing at. And then, as he followed the hand movement, he noticed something change withing Merlin's eyes.   
His head snapped back around and he didn't miss the gold that flared up in them. Clear as day, as though his eyes had always had this color.   
And then, he saw what Merlin had done. There was a dragon flying from the fire place. Made completely of glimmering ashes and flames. 

This time it was Arthur's jaw that dropped completely. Merlin's hand fell down and with him, the magic projection stopped.   
Merlin was shuddering now, but he faced Arthur as though whatever he was going to do would be welcomed with open arms.   
Whether it was the sword or the pyre. It was like Merlin was saying: 'you've made your mind about magic. NOW you can make a decision about me.'

The thing was, Arthur's first instinct was to think 'Merlin manipulated me. He betrayed me. He did this to me. He's holding my heart in his bare hands, and here he stands, asking me to shatter it myself.'  
But he knew that wasn't true. Until only minutes ago, Arthur had thought Merlin would loathe him for the decision he made about magic. That he would judge him. Turn his back on him and not talk with him for at least a week.   
And here they were. Merlin was a sorcerer himself. Merlin loved him for lifting the ban.   
Merlin was holding Arthur's heart in his hands as if to say: 'look, I've protected it as much as I could I've taken care of you. I never made you regret it. Now I'M the biggest threat to it.   
You should take it back, before I hurt you myself.'  
Arthur felt his stomach drop. He felt a tug at his insides. 

He doesn't think he's ever felt hurt or thrown off quite like this. And he had Gwen's rejection to compare this too.   
She was right. He had loved her. But his heart hadn't been hers. It belonged to Merlin. Always had.   
Arthur was just a fool to not have noticed it. 

But he hadn't known Merlin fully either. Merlin had magic. It was a part of him. He must be strong, he must be powerful, if he didn't even need words to use it.   
Merlin's reaction earlier, to all the doubts Arthur had had about magic. About his own achievements. Had that all been Merlin?  
By the look in Merlin's eyes, Arthur could assume this was the truth.   
Arthur's heart stumbled over itself.   
He hadn't fully known Merlin. But now Merlin was opening up to him. Fully, completely. With magic and all.   
And maybe that's why Arthur could see it now. What he felt for this man. 

Now that Merlin wasn't just holding out Arthur's heart, asking him to take it back, if he wanted to safe himself. He was also holding out his own. Asking Arthur to either take it, or destroy it. 

And now Arthur understood why Merlin couldn't speak. His own words caught in his throat as well. Arthur stepped forward. Merlin involuntarily stepped back a little, before he realized what he was doing and stopped, to fully face anything Arthur would be doing to him. 

Since the king, however, didn't know what to say, all he could do was to do things. Do meaningful things. Things that were metaphors for what he felt. For what he wanted to tell Merlin.   
Or rather, to show him.   
So he grabbed for Merlin's hand, that was still holding the ring. Merlin opened the palm, as if to give the ring back. But Arthur took the ring and slipped it on to Merlin's finger.   
He knew it wasn't his. It was Gwen's. Or was meant for her.   
But Arthur felt like destiny was giving him a hint. With the size of the ring, with the simple fact that it meant 'let's spend the rest of our lives together'. 

And Arthur knew he didn't have to ask Merlin to do this. He knew, because he knew Merlin. He knew, because Merlin would never even think of leaving him.   
Merlin would never do anything that would push him away from Arthur's side.   
Merlin may have never told him about his magic until now, but Arthur knew that wasn't because Merlin didn't trust him. 

It was, because Arthur hadn't given Merlin a reason to think it was safe to show himself.   
It was, because Merlin was scared of loosing his place at Arthur's side.   
Merlin trusted that Arthur made the right decisions. He always trusted in Arthur's decisions.   
Merlin had been afraid that the right decision would be to condemn magic to evil. That the right decision was one that would make them drift apart.   
Merlin hadn't trusted himself. 

Arthur knew this. And because he knew this, he realized that there was nothing Merlin could ever do to make him hate him. Literally nothing. Merlin could have committed murder, he could have tried to kill Arthur and his father (even succeeded at it) and Arthur would still be convinced that Merlin made the choices for the right intentions. He would still put the ring on to Merlin's ring finger right in this very moment.   
And look him in the eyes while doing it. 

'Don't ever leave.', is what he tried to say with his eyes and his actions alone. And Merlin seemed to understand this, because his eyes widened and more tears fell down his cheeks.   
Arthur smiled at him and then did what he never allowed himself to do. He hugged Merlin close. 

“Arthur, I -”, Merlin interrupted the silence. Finally finding his voice again. Arthur closed his eyes and leaned in to Merlin.   
“I have magic.”, Merlin hiccuped. Like he felt it necessary to clarify. 

“Magic is not illegal anymore.”, Arthur reminded him and felt Merlin shiver under him at the words and the tone and the implications.

“I wanted to tell you, I just -”  
“I know.”, Arthur said as Merlin paused yet again. And Arthur did. Suddenly he could remember so many moments where Merlin had looked like he wanted to tell him something, but never managed to say it. Often followed by Arthur telling him how evil magic was. Oh well, way to go, Arthur. 

“I've used it for you. ONLY for you. Arthur, you have to believe me.”  
“I do.”, Arthur responded and felt Merlin freeze even further, if that was possible. 

“Did you know I had magic?”, Merlin probably asked. And he sounded confused and scared and frustrated. Why? Arthur could guess it. Merlin would never forgive Arthur, if he had legalized magic because of him. Not because he believed magic was good, but because he believed in Merlin. And Merlin was too self conscious to accept that. Or to be able to live with that.   
Good thing that Arthur truly, never did.   
“No.”, Arthur said and pulled away to look Merlin in the eyes. “But I'm glad you do.”

“why?”  
“Because I was still unsure about my decision until you told me. And I am in desperate need of a court sorcerer.”  
Merlin shook his head.(4) “I'm not -”  
Then Merlin's eyes widened. “You could ask Morgana.”

Arthur's eyes widened. Oh well. Good to know there were more sorcerer's hiding right under his nose. Great. Amazing. Wonderful.   
“You mean my sister who charmed my ex girlfriend?”  
“I'm sure she didn't use magic for it!”, Merlin said, alarmed at the word 'charmed.'(5)

Arthur laughed. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”, Arthur asked, clearly amused. 

Merlin bit his lip and looked down.   
“It does, actually.”, Arthur said with a softening smile. Merlin looked up again. And this time, Arthur could clearly make out the brief blue in those eyes. 

“Or rather, you do. You always do.”, Arthur said and nodded to underline his point. 

Merlin's eyes widened. 

“That's why I take you with me on every date I ever went on. It always feels awkward when you're not there. Gwen was right.” Arthur hesitated.   
“I was blind. I love her. Still do, to be honest. And I think I'll need a while to get over it.   
But what I feel for you has always existed on it's own realm.   
I don't think there is anything that can compare to that. I can't describe it. I can't even describe what it is that I feel for you. It's like -  
Magic.”

Merlin blinked, taken aback by the confession. “Gwen told you you love me?”  
Arthur frowned. “No. She told me that my heart belongs to someone else.”  
“And you decided that's me?”  
“I think I decided that before she told me.”

“But you're not denying that you love me.”, Merlin pointed out. Arthur grinned at that. It was so typical for them. Even when they were so close, they still bickered so mindlessly.   
“Says the guy who kissed me only minutes ago.”  
“You kissed me back.”  
“Did I now?”  
“Yes! You did.”  
“I don't recall that happening.”  
“But you did!”, Merlin was scrambling now. Flushed and frustrated and defensive.   
So Arthur decided it was probably best, if they discussed the rest of this entire topic on another day.   
“Maybe you should remind me then.”

“How am I -”, Merlin's eyes widened. “Oh.”, he made and his eyes flickered back to Arthur's lips.   
Arthur just rolled his eyes in response and went for it himself.   
“You taste like nuts.”, Merlin muttered into the kiss.   
And if Arthur had to interrupt their romantic and intimate little moment to topple over from laughing, then that's just a testimony to how their relationship had always worked.

**Author's Note:**

> (1) I watched miraculous ladybug... I admit it. This is not a crossover. She simply has a cameo.  
> (2) Jazz as the music genre did not exist. Let's pretend there was a guy named jazz who did lots of random stuff and people just refer to him in that sentence.   
> (3) I think it's funny how some people say “you're too young to know what you really like”, when tiny children already make their first experiences with kissing and stuff in kindergarten. Yes, things change with time, but maybe you just need to give them the time to MAKE that change. Experiment, have fun and stuff. Instead of telling them, they will grow OUT of something or grow IN to something.   
> And I know some of you may want to comment “seven? Seven is too young! Who has their first kiss with seven? Or counts it as such?”. I had my first kiss (from a boy) when I was seven and I remember being really mad about it, because it didn't last long enough for me to actually feel anything. Today I'm pretty certain the length of the kiss didn't have anything to do with it. I just wanted to mention that, because half my class had their “first kisses” in kindergarten, playing family and the likes. As I witnessed, at least. I was often used to play the “boyfriend” (actually that happened twice with my cousin. To this day I'm not sure, if that traumatized me. I felt pressured into it. I didn't want my cousins to dislike me and thought those games were normal (I didn't have enough friends to tell any different). Maybe it was, but I only did it so she wouldn't dislike me. Years later she told me, she always hated me back then. Well, let's not dwell on that.) On one occasion a friend of mine asked me to pretend to be a lesbian with her, because “every girl has a lesbian phase at one point.” That's what she said her parents said. And I thought, why not. We're friends, you asked and I trust you, it should be fine. My brothers were “disgusted” by it, I think, but I didn't think it was any worse than kissing that one guy (mentioned above). Which isn't saying much either, actually.  
> I just wanted to say, age plays no role in people's experiences. I don't know how that got so personal again. Lmao.   
> (4) I can't imagine Merlin being ready to become court sorcerer, like ever. Even if Arthur does offer it to him.   
> (5) That rhymes and it sounds stupid XD


End file.
